I grew up believing ambition led to success. In school, if I studied and did the work, I would get an A. In sports, if I practiced hard, I was rewarded with more playing time. When I worked my first job, hard work equaled higher pay, more hours, and the admiration of my boss and coworkers.
My achiever personality thrives in that environment! I can finish a project in record speed. When I set a goal, I don’t stop until that goal is completed. I love making lists and checking things off. (I’m one of those crazy people who writes something I just did on the list, just so I can cross it off…don’t laugh, I’m know I’m not the only one!)
My determination runs deep. I can look at a situation and quickly assess what needs to be done. And then, I get it done! My ambition always brought the results I desired. Projects were finished and people were happy. I was happy.
But then, I grew up.
It turns out ambition is not appreciated by everyone. I began to realize some people were jealous of my ambition. They were jealous of the things I accomplished — and instead of celebrating with me, they used that opportunity to tear me down.
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Life is a journey of emotions. No matter how organized we are, when we open our eyes in the morning, we truly have no idea how the day will unfold.
Sometimes life flows along like a well-oiled machine, and other days it feels like we hit a brick wall going 100mph.
When my kids were little, I had days filled with crying, tantrums, spilled milk and broken glass. Days when no one listened, and everyone screamed. Nights when no one slept. Moments when my walls were colored on, my furniture was spilled on, and my favorite new necklace was ripped off my neck. Those days were hard!
It always seemed on those days, when I was at the end of my rope, some well-meaning grandma would tell me, “Enjoy these moments because they go so fast and someday, you’ll miss them.”
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I woke up crabby this week. Nothing was really wrong, but nothing seemed right either. I just wanted to sit on the couch and do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. Have you ever had one of those days? Where you just feel blah. You can’t really put words to it, but you just know that you don’t feel right.
If I’m not careful, those types of days can take me down a dangerous rabbit hole of emotions. Suddenly things that were a little annoying are world shattering. Emotions I had been keeping successfully at bay, are right on the edge of eruption. Tiny failures become gigantic roadblocks. Missed opportunities feel like throw-in the-towel, it’s-never-going-to-get-better, why-do-I-even-bother-trying, do-I even-have-a-purpose-on-this-earth moments.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who has days like this!
I don’t know what causes these days. They seem to appear out of thin air, knocking me down in the middle of an otherwise great week. I’ll admit, if it has rained for days and days and I haven’t seen the sun for a week — it is much more likely. However, sometimes life can be going really, really well and still, BAM!
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The heart is powerful. It wants to believe the best, hope for the unfathomable, and love deeply. The heart seeks to be understood, to be accepted, to be loved in return. The heart is our motivation for pushing harder, digging deeper, and hanging on when things get tough.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” Proverbs 4:23
When we fix our heart on something we want, there is nothing that can get in the way or prevent us from reaching our goal. We can climb to the highest heights, swim to the deepest depths, believe for the greatest miracles, and hope for the desired outcome beyond all reason.
When our heart is healthy, we can find strength we didn’t know we had, we can accomplish goals we didn’t know we had the ability to achieve, and we can love from the very depths of our souls.
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Fear is sneaky. It creeps in when you least expect it. It tags along when it is most unwelcome. It shows up when you are dealing with loss, with grief, with frustration, with pain. Fear knows no boundaries. It is no respecter of persons. Rich people fear. Poor people fear. Men fear. Women fear. The educated fear. The uneducated fear. It doesn’t matter what religion, what race, what your family looks like, what town you live in — fear will try to find its way in.
I would say I grew up battling fear. I would pray every night while I was trying to fall asleep that there wouldn’t be a fire, that no one would break into our house, that no one would get hurt and need an ambulance. I remember praying for safety over and over and over.
For many years, my life was relatively safe. My fear for safety was unfounded, but I still battled it. However, on May 3, 2005, I received a phone call that altered my life forever.
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